Love & Marriage

Inspired by the recent ongoing events...

If arguing about the pettiest, meaningless things was an Olympic sport, I am quite sure many of us would be competing for the GOLD!

Love and marriage; marriage and love. Most of us fall in love. Then, to celebrate our so very pure love, we get married. Soon after, as our love is too great just for the two of us, let's throw in some baby-making into the picture. Why? Because that is the way we roll. We love, put a ring on it, and start an ovulation tracking chart. It is a lot of fun trying for a baby, I must say. We women are on a mission. We are determined and driven, and the husband seems to be happier than usual, probably because he is getting so much sex. If he only knew how drastically the frequency will plummet, once those two lines appear on the white stick. Let's not mention when the baby arrives. But, maybe some things are better kept unsaid. We don't want to dampen the loved-up vibes. Every month is the month you are sure you have conceived. Sore breasts, feeling puffy, craving sweet things and lovely carbs. But, for some reason, we forget the fact that every month, since you received the heavenly pleasure of a menstrual bleed, you get the same symptoms. But it finally happens. The two lines have appeared. All those times laying with your legs up in the air, so the little fishes would know which way to swim, has paid off. We are going to have a baby! We have been through the having a baby blog, and that was a lot of fun... wasn't it? So, now six years of marriage later, two girls thrown into the mix, a mortgage, no dog yet, and not much of a white picket fence, but... we have a nice balcony. It is really like running a company. You are, of course, the CEO. You are also the desk worker, the cleaner and on special occasions, a cook! Or... lets say, a Chef! in your dreams. Now, let's fit in a full-time job, working out, to maintain your fabulous mom bod. Oh, and maybe some quiet time..reading a book? Don't push it. One needs to sleep, to be able to run this show. The most important thing you must do as a CEO is to delegate, ........and let your husband feel like he is the real boss. Life falls into a nook, a crack. We all switch on an automatic mode. Rushing around like headless chickens, so we get paid at the end of the month; so the washing does not pile up. And our marriage also becomes a casualty of our lifestyle. We become antsy with each other, we lose our empathy for one another. We forget, where it all began. Who would have thought, that it is so much work, to stick together? The things we did and created, to celebrate our love, are now the things tearing us apart. It is as if you lose the basic ability to COMMUNICATE. Everything gets twisted out of context, everything escalates into a screaming match. Sometimes, you have no clue, what you are even fighting about.

We get so fixated on who did what, or who did more. It is as if we have a chart, in our minds that states in an ongoing fashion; who worked harder this week? Who did more around the house? who deserved a badge of excellence for being patient with the children?

Even when he buys me flowers on special occasions, he gets upset with me, for he is the one that puts them in a vase and adds water. So, after a few sessions of couple therapy, you come to the realization, that you need to WORK at it. You need to put in the effort. Even if at first, it seems un-natural or not authentic. Fake it until you make it. It sounds harsh, but we forget, somewhere along the way, why we even got married or had babies in the first place. We don't take the time to invest in one another. We don't look at our partner when they are talking, because for some reason, at the time, the advert on the telly is more important.

You need to fire up the love like a hot air balloon. You need to make time for it. Or create time and fit it into LIFE. You need to rediscover empathy, while running the successful company you established together. And it is OK to admit, that sometimes, you need him, or her. Or maybe you just need a hug. Hugs are a great way to melt away resentment. Love is like butter, you don't want to spread it too thin. So lash it on, make it salty and sweet. Put wind in each other's sails. Remember that there will be times, where love fades in, and then goes out. But it will appear once again; the shape and form morph as the years go by. And trust me, you have also, I am sure, changed. I try, to avoid the sticky, shitty, potholes along the way. I have learned not to always try and be right. (Even though, between us, I always am. :)) So, where there is love, there is often marriage, .....and in marriage, there is sometimes not much love. But liking each other once more, and being friends, is a good place to start!