Change

So often in life we are already moving on to the next thing. The next house chore we have to get done before the kids return from school; the next shopping list we need to check off before the weekend; the next workout we need to complete to start the day off just right.

Life is in fact, one long check list of things to get done. In-between all that nonsense we fit in a bit of LIFE.

We are all on automatic mode during the week and then when the weekend comes, we get so frustrated, because we find it hard to relax. For how can you wind down such a wound-up spring in only 48 hours? The answer is, you can't.

Something needs to change", at least that’s what you keep telling yourself."

But what?

I am personally, still figuring it out.

The moment your physical being starts to suffer from a lifestyle that was never yours to begin with, is the moment you will flirt with the idea of CHANGE.

You will change your diet, stop eating sugar and convince everyone else to try also, as you feel so God damn light! You will do yoga every morning before work to relax your body and your mind, you will listen to a positive podcast on your way to work with a smile, you will go to bed before 9pm and you will also stop drinking coffee so your quality of sleep will be absolutely sublime!

But then, it creeps in again.

For you need to get things done; you need to be the best Mom, the best wife and you would really love to be the employee of the month.

So, you are living a decaffeinated life, a sugar free ''happy and so light'' life, you are rocking an amazing body from all that yoga and you have listened to about 50 podcasts on wellbeing.

But something is still not right.

Your face is still decorated with those obnoxious blemishes that won't go away, your irritable bowel syndrome is running wild and at night when you lay in bed, your thoughts and fears combine in to one, sometimes it can be too much to handle.

I have changed absolutely everything, ''so why I am not feeling any better?'' You might ask.

'Lifestyle changes' are like lopping a fresh dollop of paint on a wall that is filled with mold, it looks fantastic at first, but it will for sure not last.

The truth of the matter is, you did not really change anything at all; all you actually did is add a whole list of things to get done, and for what?

So, you blame your bad genetics for anything goes awry in your body, you blame the immense stress you are under for the panic attacks, but most of all you blame yourself. As you feel you have lost control and let everyone down.

The worst thing is when you are chocked up trying to tell someone that will listen that you are feeling overwhelmed and all they can say is ''But why? You have everything in life''.

At that moment the flood gates open and you cry it out.

You cry for the little girl you once were and, in a way, still are.

You cry for the mother you lost and buried, you cry for you fear ending up just as she did.

You cry for the baby's heartbeat that was inside of you and that turned silent.

You cry because it is all just too much sometimes.

We carry our past on our backs like an invisible backpack filled with heavy pebbles, whilst trying to run as fast as possible towards our future so we don’t miss out.

Don’t be your past and don’t determine your future.

What if in fact, you did not need to change anything at all; the only thing you really needed to do, is tell yourself a different story?

One that will actually change your life.