Guilt

I feel guilty if I do,

I feel guilty if I don't.

I feel guilty if I try too hard,

I feel guilty for letting go.

I feel guilty the food is not homemade,

I feel guilty for being that Mom that says "NO" to the ice cream they so truly crave.

I feel guilty for shouting at them,

I feel guilty they always get their own way in the end.

I feel guilty for not being more attentive,

As everything else seems more important at the time than to just listen to them.

I feel guilty I don't read them enough stories,

I feel guilty for turning on the telly, to grant myself just a moment of silence.

Who knew, that having children, would reveal a form of guilt that keeps you up at night.

Wondering what I could have done differently, why did I shout, why did I not listen.

Guilty I do not teach them letters and numbers,

Guilty for not letting them get dirty with food or paint, Wiping them down with way too many baby wipes.

Guilty I don't steer away from their regime,

Losing all spontaneity, excitement, forgetting that child within.

I tell myself, tomorrow is a new day.

I can reprimand myself over all the wrong I have done and will do.

Be a better Mom, with endless patience and empathy.

For the tormented soul, of a child, finding the way in their little bubble.

Giving them a voice, that is heard.

Granting them with compassion to see what surrounds them.

So today I will try,

I truly will.

To be the Mom, that can sleep guilt-FREE.

Who knows how long it will last,

But if only for a moment in time,

I am a better Mom.

Now, that is worth a BIG glass of wine.