As a young girl, all I did was look at what I did not like about myself, and what I would change.
The hair that would never look tamed, the tooth that was at a slant, the rolls of child fat around my middle.
So the hair eventually settled, the tooth straightened, the lovely rolls on my tummy are now gone, as I grew taller.
Am I happy now with what I see in the mirror?
Let's put it this way. I managed to find several other things that I don't like.
How ironic is it, that now I look back at photos of my younger self, and I like what I see.
Wasted years of pressing fast forward, just wishing away things I did not like.
In a sense, wishing away a life that is memorialized now in heartwarming pictures, I love looking at.
Embrace your age, so they say.
Embrace the lines forming on your porcelain skin.
Internally, I am a happier individual as I have grown 'older'.
As a young girl, I was tormented by possibilities. I was lost in what could and would be.
Becoming a mother has for sure settled my mind and marked my body, not allowing me to drift off into what could never be. But the thoughts of 'what' and 'if'..... will always linger.
I have crows feet around my eyes that decorate my every smile. I can't say I love them, but do they at least make me look a little more sophisticated? Maybe.
How is it possible to love the wrinkles forming like stubborn roots when all we do is airbrush them away, given a chance.
Now the rolls of fat are replaced by rolls of skin, after carrying two babies.
My body created life! So, does that make me love all these imperfections? Not really.
We never truly appreciate what we have until it is gone.
I admire people that live and love who they are today, not worrying about an extra line that appeared around the mouth, not regretting years of standing still, not asking over and over again the same question... What if?
What if what?
It is too easy to look back and point at mistakes. We can build a life on the back of regrets.
Take one day at a time, one line at a time.
It creeps up on you and you feel the urge to rebel against what is holding you back. Placing the blame on others is always the first refuge for a bitter heart.
Can't we just have it all? Have the best career, be the best mom and wife, be at peace with looking at your reflection, be happy and content, for at the moment all is OK.
But look a little bit deeper, look beyond a reflection, beyond a memory of a child, that defines who you are today.
You are no longer a child. Stop leaning on a past that has passed. Stop dreaming away 'A life' with smoother skin and a six-pack.
Try and be OK, only if just for now. Just for today.
Love your aging self, because, in a blink of an eye, it is over.
All the questions, lines, doubts and regrets will be sent to bed.
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